A moral dilemma

I have received a heart-rending e-mail   from a Doctor Havina Laff who lives in South Africa.

Apparently her uncle and all his family were tragically killed in  a freak food blender accident just after Christmas…I think the blender must have been one of the  presents.

On the plus side the uncle was minted and has left her more than the Greek National Debt in an account that she cannot access due to her chronic scalp condition. She is happy to split the money 50/50 if  I have it transferred into my account.

Obviously I have promised not to say a thing to anybody.

Clearly it is a HUGE moral dilemma. So the question is this…should I take the money….?

Or should I tell her about “Head and Shoulders”?


Caught? Out?

I don’t pretend to understand all the rules and niceties of the game of Cricket.

I know there’s teletext and the commentators and analysts BUT none of that explains why, when the ball is in the air – and a fielder is in the vicinity – you can clearly hear other fielders shouting:

Cat shit!

What’s all that about?


How NOT to lose your gloves……

As a puppy I tended to lose things with ridiculous ease – gloves/mittens being a particular case in point.

To remedy this – in addition to the beatings – a simple remedy solved the problem.

Attaching them by string  and running said string through the back of whatever I was wearing  be it a  coat, jacket, anorak…(even a straitjacket) did the trick.

I still do that to this day…though, frankly, in the summer months it DOES tend to clash with my bikini…

Click on the image below to enlarge

TIP – it’s really NOT worth the effort

Nothing like ‘Connect Four’

You might want to mention this game to the more ‘gifted‘ relatives that may visit you at Christmas….

It’s called:

Link 3 together AND another one”

(NOT to be confused with similar games)

It’s great to see their little faces light up…though I find it useful to keep a cloth handy in case they dribble…

Very easy to play.

All you will need is (see picture below):

Click on picture to enlarge if this will help at all

ONE Birds Eye Waffle (other brands are available)
ONE tin of peas (SMALL)
ONE tin of SweetCorn.


* do NOT use mushy peas
* do NOT substitute hash browns for the waffle


1) OPEN tin of peas
OPEN tin of sweetcorn

2) Remove 12 peas from the tin
Remove 12 sweetcorn kernel from the tin

3) Place waffle on a flat surface WITHIN reach of the players

4) Take turns to insert your coloured pieces (green/peas), (yellow/sweetcorn)
in the playing ‘grid’ (waffle) until one player has a complete line of 3…and another one
(sometimes referred to as: “4”) vertically, horizontally or diagonally

PIECES INSERTED ANYWHERE OUTSIDE THE GRID (nostrils, earholes etc.,) do NOT count.

5) Do NOT get over excited when inserting your piece and shout:
– that is a COMPLETELY different game


Players should take turns quickly BEFORE the waffle fully defrosts.
Playing time can be increased by reducing the room temperature
(does not apply to residents of Finland or either Arctic region playing outdoors)

Whilst all three components ARE vegetables it does not count towards your “5-a-day”.

Eating the waffle immediately eliminates the ‘eating’ player.

Playing time can also be increased by :

  • playing whilst blindfolded
  • hiding the waffle in a neighbours house  (permission of neighbour SHOULD be sought, preferably beforehand)
  • wearing oven gloves whilst playing

Blinding your opponent to increase playing time is NOT permitted.

Full rules and details (2010 Playing Regulations – version 7.3) can be found at: