Is that opportunity knocking…?


Don’t deprive yourself of the pleasure of being dragged from the shower to answer the door to yet another BRILLIANT money saving offer from an energy provider…

..nor is there is any need to forego the heart-warming sight of another clipboard wielding  market researcher or charity collector..

…and why not embrace the opportunity to purchase all sorts of useless shite from charlatans posing as penniless students…?

ALL you will need to do is to print off the poster below and pin it up on your front door. I sometimes add to the effect by throwing  some fresh bits of liver and kidney at the notice  and letting it splatter on the doorstep – that really gets the party going.

 

An appalling crime


My mate Julian who claims he has mates “in the force” (but is NOT a Jedi) reckons one of them told him that some sick b*stard broke into THE Stephen Hawkings house and replaced the keyboard that he uses to “talk” , with one of those Stylaphone things.

Worse still only two notes – A and F – work.

Stephen’s doing his best to communicate using just the two notes – experimenting with variations of long and short blasts – but, sadly, just sounds like a cross between a police siren and a broken ice cream van.

Basically at the moment  he can say sweet F, A.

*    *     *    *    *    *    *    *    *

IF YOU’VE  BEEN AFFECTED BY ANY OF THE ISSUES RAISED IN THIS POST,

THEN THERE ISN’T A PHONE NUMBER YOU CAN RING…

YOU’RE COMPLETELY ON YOUR OWN…

..sorreeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

The problem with Super Injunctions


I don’t have a problem with super injunctions – Ryan Giggs refused to sleep with me and that’s that.

BUT I do think my mate Simon might be being exploited by the legal profession (allegedly).

Unfortunately he suffers from schizophrenia and – whilst upset and confused – managed to take out an injunction against his other self.

He’s now spending most of his time on the ‘phone to his lawyer responding to threatening letters he has sent to himself…he is literally meeting himself coming back.

Somebody should have a word with both of him.