My legal Advisor – Nobby no-brains has pointed out that I haven’t set out the User Terms and Conditions for this site.
Obviously this is just a formality and not worth you reading in full as they are more-or-less standard….. with one or two teeny, tiny updates:
1. By using this site I grant the author full and unrestricted access to my bank account, cars and fridge.
2. The user (hereinafter referred to as: “the victim”) undertakes to clean me, my laundry, my house, car and toilets as and when required by the author (hereinafter referred to as: “taking the piss”).
3. The user/victim shall, on demand hand over such cash as may be required by the author together with such credit and or debit cards together with pin numbers – that he may feel at any time, will look better in his own wallet.
4. The user will stand bail/surety and attend all court hearings instead of the author should he be charged with any acts of criminality.
5. The user will carry out acts of violence against nominated persons as may be required by him and further confirms that he will be available to carry the author home at chucking out time.
6. The user waives all any rights whatsoever and will address the author as “God”.
7. The user will surrender their first-born immediately should the author receive what he considers a reasonable cash offer from Madonna or any other celebrity.
Fair enough eh?
Any queries relating to the foregoing should be addressed to: