Tonight Britney (47) brought home from school (she’s in the 2nd year at Juniors) the dreaded:
“Your Child has shown interest in the violin”
What ACTUALLY happened was the teacher brained a kid with his own violin after he messed up “Greensleeves” for the umpteenth time and Britney said:
“What the FUCK?”
..her name was down on the list for THAT letter in less time than the Headmaster takes to expose himself at Assembly.
All I get from that school is utter, utter, UTTER shite.
Britney WOULD not know a violin if I were to set fire to one and tie it to a passing pensioner’s mobility scooter
(true actually… I did that very thing only last week)
Purely by chance they are about to run an after-school class at “competitive prices”.
And the good luck continues:
” We have a selection of Violins and other Instruments which can be secured for a ‘modest’ down payment”.
When I lock her in the Fritzel’s basement it’s to get a bit of peace and quiet – I don’t want to hear that screeching racket.
Clearly her teachers aren’t prepared to settle for having already stitched us up once with the School Recorder Club.
The amount of dribble that came out the end of that particular instrument of torture was worse than Grandad on his endless trips to the bog. I got sick of being asked to try and guess what the random assortment of shrill sounds was supposed to be. I do not know of any tune that sounds like the dire noises that thing generates. Everything sounds the same – like a drunken asthmatic being beaten up and trying to summon help with a broken whistle.
Anyway Brits lost interest after I cleared the blocked toilet with it…only time the thing was of any use.
You can NOT trust teachers.
Teachers are THE most complete bare-faced liars:
“Your child shows potential…”
(as a serial psycho killer)
“Interacts well with the other children…”
(Pays up IMMEDIATELY when bullied for cash by bigger kids)
“There’s been a big improvement on last term”
She’s dropped the Assault charges.
Social Services accused me of being a bad parent which is unfair. … how was I to know the £20 notes I gave them for fags were forgeries? I ALWAYS share my heroin with the kids and NEVER once have I let them drive when they’ve had too much to drink.
Social Services have such unrealistic expectations. They’ll be wanting me to return to the UK and feed them next.
Broken Britain my arse-crack-pipe