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At 250,000 quid have the Camerons priced themselves out of the next series of: “Come Dine With Me”?

I thought those undercover reporters at the Sunday Times must have been mistaken about being able to “buy” a meeting with the Prime Minister but then this document found it’s way into my hands..

(a bargain at just £20 from my mate Peter C)…


I admit that I’ve not been able to verify it’s authenticity…

(that would have cost me another £1,000 “contribution” which I didn’t have on me)


The inside page looks like this:


There have been quite a few queries already about this and I have attempted to answer these below:


I thought Cameron was a foreign country?

You’re possibly confusing “Cameron” with “Cameroon”
Cameroon is an African country. Some African countries suffer from corrupt political practices.
We wouldn’t tolerate that sort of nonsense  here.

I thought Cameroon was a biscuit?

You’re possibly confusing “Cameroon” with “Macaroon”.
Macaroons taste  completely  different to David Cameron.

Can  anybody go to these parties?

So far it has been mainly rich people (see price list).
Some terrorist groups are desperate to attend but have found it difficult to raise the necessary funds.

I have a 32″ Plasma TV that I got  in last years’s riots…what would that get me?

The Camerons are no longer accepting anything under 50″.

It will probably get you about 2 years at Magistrates Court if it is your first and only offence.

I’m not particularly political ..could I have a KFC Family Feast with the Queen instead?

Her Majesty has never really gone in for KFC, so your best option is probably to seize power in a Commonwealth country as that will pretty much guarantee you an audience with Liz and Phil……. Pound-for-pound it works out  as much better value too.

I’ve just lost my job at GAME how does this affect me?

Unfortunately – as you’ll probably get bugger all redundancy money – the Camerons  will be out of your price range.

On the plus side  we have seen items of discarded underwear from unpopular Cabinet Ministers (such as the Health Secretary,  for example)  for sale on e-bay which you can buy for as little as £30.

I’ve just had to forfeit my Bankers Bonus of £100,000.. where does that leave me?

In the same sort of shit as the rest of us. LOL.

I’ve got a signed, framed photo of David Beckham hanging up in my lounge ..can I charge £100,00 for dinner at mine?

Don’t be fucking ridiculous.

Can I use my credit card?
Normally people’s credit limits are pitifully inadequate
Unmarked, used £20* notes ARE the preferred  method of payment, though US Dollars ARE just as acceptable.
Receipts are not available. You MIGHT be able to offset your Donation against tax^.

(^A separate lunch with the Head of Inland Revenue will be required)

I thought democracy meant  getting my MP to raise matters of public concern at the Houses of Parliament?
Indeed that system worked fairly well until as recently as Oliver Cromwell.
These days some streamlining of the process has become essential so that the “man in the street’s” voice can still be heard

(and a window is ALWAYS left open during the Camerons parties for that reason).

But aren’t I right in thinking that the Liberal Democrats are to blame for ALL the coalition’s mistakes?

Of course you are.

(* There WAS an unfortunate occasion when it was found that the £50 notes used in payment were forgeries and the “Guests” had to be ejected by security)


About they still let me vote

David Martin John, was created in an American lab by a scientist who - in a fit of pique following his exclusion from the team working on the Roswell (‘Alien Discovery’) project - grafted a baboon’s arse onto a butterfly. As a result David is extremely fond of bananas (he will happily stare at them for hours) but suffers from an irrational fear of getting trapped in net curtains. Abandoned by the elders of the tribe…David struggled in the wild but, at first glance, APPEARS to have integrated – to an admittedly limited degree – into society. Raised by badgers just outside an English Village that was twinned with Chernobyl…he soon withdrew into his own troubled mind only to be sexually abused by his imaginary friend. The one time he actually did manage to ‘make’ friends was when he went to Legoland. Twenty years may have passed, but he still remains bitter about what he considers the unreasonable rejection by Publishers of his first manuscript: “Noddy and the Daleks”. Determined to be at least a minor celebrity he suffered another setback when he underwent a lavish and expensive boob job before he had read BOTH questions on the “Page 3 Girl” Application Form. He counts Professor Brian Cox among his friends – which is ludicrous as he’s never met him - but this is apparently quite common with David’s Mental condition. David was invalided out of the Police Force in 1998 after – perhaps unwisely – asking a GBH suspect to show him:“…EXACTLY what happened…” When he lay stricken and in a coma in hospital (the greengrocers weren’t remotely interested) his parents rushed to his bedside. They visited daily – despite not knowing whether David could even hear – trying to encourage him with tape recordings of other people dying. Devastated to find that there was no “Pause” button on his Life Support machine they still came… just clinging to the hope they might finally hear those longed-for precious little words; “…time of death…” David survived their repeated attempts at poisoning and smothering, recovering enough to be able to testify in Court. His parents got off on a technicality – the Judge, in his summing up, said he would have done the same thing. Although there was overwhelming forensic evidence to the contrary, he also accepted that they COULD have been “simply plumping up the pillows” as claimed. In 2007 David took another turn for the worse when he took the Government’s dismissal of his idea for a “massive almost-globe-like structure to celebrate the new Millenia” very badly. 2009 also proved a dificult year when, during his resitting of a routine urine test, Doctors found no brain activity and remove several vital organs. Now banned for life by Tescos, since 2010, following an incident in the vegetable section that the family refuse to discuss, he now lives pretty much as a recluse – confined to the Ward – filling his days watching taped repeats of his relatives embarassing themselves on “You’ve Been Framed” … David is living proof (albeit in a “permanent vegatative state”) that medical treatment of the criminally insane has a long way to go……

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