Posted on

SHOCK! – Life form outwitted by Rio Ferdinand

The Advertising Standards watchdog has unbelievably refused to condemn those well known intellectual giants:  Katie Price and Rio Ferdinand  despite revels-ations that the devilishly fiendish pair  had duped people  into buying chocolate bars against their will.

Both had used their phenomenal mind power to deceive people in a series of tweets that were NOT clearly  marked as adverts.

But-tons of people are unhappy about the decision and feel that the issue has been fudge-d.

“What sort of cad-burys references to chocolate in their tweets? 

‘Twix-t you and me I thinks that’s deplorable”   said a devastated  Jason Stupid.

“I read Rio’s treets and my mind was all in a t-wirl…before I knew what was happening I found that I had driven down to Asdas and purchased a multi-pack of Snickers bars instead of the quarter pound of skunk I’d been planning to buy”.

Rebecca Gormless was another person trapped by this vicious, dastardly campaign that strikes at the very heart of our democratic society:

“I drew all my savings out of the bank and murdered a couple of pensioners…all so I could buy more Snickers bars….I feel dirty and abused.   I’ve not stopped crying since I heard.  I feel like my life has been a fraud”.

Both accused Price and Ferdinand of lion to their followers on twitter.

“How Dairy Milk his followers like that?” said Jason.
“He’s supposed to be a rolo model. But when it came down to the Crunch-ie put his grubby sponsorship money before his fans. Well I’m done with thinking about chocolate – there’s no milky way he’ll catch me out again”.

A Mars spokesperson said that things had got out of hand.
“I don’t know how all this fuss aeros.   It’s easy to criticise but once people take the time-out to think about it they’ll realise that selling chocolate is no picnic.”


About they still let me vote

David Martin John, was created in an American lab by a scientist who - in a fit of pique following his exclusion from the team working on the Roswell (‘Alien Discovery’) project - grafted a baboon’s arse onto a butterfly. As a result David is extremely fond of bananas (he will happily stare at them for hours) but suffers from an irrational fear of getting trapped in net curtains. Abandoned by the elders of the tribe…David struggled in the wild but, at first glance, APPEARS to have integrated – to an admittedly limited degree – into society. Raised by badgers just outside an English Village that was twinned with Chernobyl…he soon withdrew into his own troubled mind only to be sexually abused by his imaginary friend. The one time he actually did manage to ‘make’ friends was when he went to Legoland. Twenty years may have passed, but he still remains bitter about what he considers the unreasonable rejection by Publishers of his first manuscript: “Noddy and the Daleks”. Determined to be at least a minor celebrity he suffered another setback when he underwent a lavish and expensive boob job before he had read BOTH questions on the “Page 3 Girl” Application Form. He counts Professor Brian Cox among his friends – which is ludicrous as he’s never met him - but this is apparently quite common with David’s Mental condition. David was invalided out of the Police Force in 1998 after – perhaps unwisely – asking a GBH suspect to show him:“…EXACTLY what happened…” When he lay stricken and in a coma in hospital (the greengrocers weren’t remotely interested) his parents rushed to his bedside. They visited daily – despite not knowing whether David could even hear – trying to encourage him with tape recordings of other people dying. Devastated to find that there was no “Pause” button on his Life Support machine they still came… just clinging to the hope they might finally hear those longed-for precious little words; “…time of death…” David survived their repeated attempts at poisoning and smothering, recovering enough to be able to testify in Court. His parents got off on a technicality – the Judge, in his summing up, said he would have done the same thing. Although there was overwhelming forensic evidence to the contrary, he also accepted that they COULD have been “simply plumping up the pillows” as claimed. In 2007 David took another turn for the worse when he took the Government’s dismissal of his idea for a “massive almost-globe-like structure to celebrate the new Millenia” very badly. 2009 also proved a dificult year when, during his resitting of a routine urine test, Doctors found no brain activity and remove several vital organs. Now banned for life by Tescos, since 2010, following an incident in the vegetable section that the family refuse to discuss, he now lives pretty much as a recluse – confined to the Ward – filling his days watching taped repeats of his relatives embarassing themselves on “You’ve Been Framed” … David is living proof (albeit in a “permanent vegatative state”) that medical treatment of the criminally insane has a long way to go……

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s